Redefining The Working Mom

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I am a fun-loving dedicated wife and hardworking mama of two. Not only do I work full time, but I do it from home. Lord, help me!

I like to write about my experiences of being a working mom, as well as sharing some of my trials and triumphs. It may not always be pretty, but I promise my stories will be light-hearted, make you laugh, and possibly even teach you something. 

Thank you for stopping by!

Love,

Angela Caban


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The Working Mom Holiday Crunch: 5 Things I am Doing

Posted by Angela Caban on December 4, 2018 at 11:50 AM Comments comments (0)



The holiday season has and will always be my favorite time of year. I do know that for many, the holidays can be full of stress and I get it, trust me. Weeks of non-stop events, shopping, family gatherings and trying to squeeze in every ounce of holiday cheer leaves working moms without one minute to spare. It’s a miracle we make it to January in one piece, right?



My stress levels have been compounded by very hectic work schedules for both my husband and myself. Knowing that there is a never-ending list of things that need to happen before December 24th, but then also trying to remember to slow down and enjoy the season.


The holidays can still be a time to reflect and make the things we do count for us and our family. So I urge you to take a look at that holiday to-do list and make some tweaks. I know I did, and I also added a few other things…



Here are 5 things I am ensuring to make time for this holiday season…



1. Shop online.


My holiday shopping is officially DONE!



I love walking around stores and browsing, but when it comes to doing my actual holiday shopping, give me the internet! I work until 5 pm and I don’t want to be shopping until late hours or spend all weekend in long lines. I won’t torture myself like that.



2. Work out.


I work out 7 days a week. Yes, you heard that right. 7 DAYS A WEEK.



On the rare occasion I need a recovery day, I normally do some type of light exercise or maybe take the entire day off, but my body CRAVES a good workout.



When you suffer from anxiety, the endorphins are a great way to heal. So I will ensure that the madness of the holiday season will not take over my much needed “me time”.


3. No activity weekend.



All of our weekends in December are already filled up – with the exception of one weekend. I ensured we scheduled nothing this weekend so that we can take the time to sit back and enjoy not doing anything. This weekend will be a time for us to choose what we want to do; whether it is a night in watching movies or driving around town looking at lights.



4. Get a sitter during the week.



Don’t typically do date nights on a school/work night, but once never hurt anyone – if anything, it is completely worth it! We love our date nights, and this time of year we definitely need to make sure we take the time to slow down and re-connect with one another.


5. Girls night.


I have never done this during the holiday season but what better time to check in with friends and colleagues than the busiest time of year?! We love our family, but eventually you’ll need a break from your kids, your husband, and your dog – just everyday life! Scheduling some much needed girl time during the holidays is something I have needed yet missed out on for the last 10 years!



"Me Time" Does Exist

Posted by Angela Caban on August 4, 2018 at 12:40 AM Comments comments (0)


I love that picture. It was taken right after I asked my husband to please take the kids to the water so I could relax. After a blissful hour of them playing in the sand, while my husband sat with them, I got to read and work on my tan.


That would have never happened if I didn't open my mouth and ask. Not that my husband doesn't help out, but it is just one of those things that as moms we need to get better at. I can't tell you how many times my husband tells me, "let me know if you need help.", and I defensively respond, "why do I have to ask, just jump in?!". As the control freak that I am, I know half the time I turn down the help and just do it myself anyway. No one’s fault but my own, and I am getting better at asking for help and time to myself and guess what? No guilt.


Why are we living in a world where moms feel guilty for taking the time for themselves?


I am a working mom who puts in a good 50 hours a week, sometimes 60, so relaxing isn't always easy given the fact that once I am off the work clock, I am then on the mommy and wife clock. It’s not like moms purposely plan for no time, we just have a very limited amount of it. Unfortunately, none of us can add magic extra time in the day out of thin air. So what can we do to ensure we are squeezing in that me time?


Put it into your calendar…


If you’ve been wanting to go to the gym on a particular day, or meet friends for coffee or drinks, open your calendar and put it in! I find it harder to cancel once it is already time accounted for, it is sort of a trick for my mind and let’s my family know mommy is busy. You’re then forced to find childcare as a matter of urgency, you have an incentive to get organized and find a way to make it happen once the date has been arranged.


Rise and grind…


I am sure you’ve heard the old saying “early bird gets the worm”, and in a busy moms life – this speaks so much truth. Getting your day started off early, and ensuring all tasks are completed ahead of time is helpful – at least it is for me when planning out my day.


Wouldn’t you love a little extra free time? Especially while everyone is still in bed!


As I said above, when there doesn’t feel like there are enough hours in the day, maybe waking up an hour earlier can help. See what you can get done before your family is up and you have to get on with the normal rush and push of a work day and doing the school run. This should free up some of your evenings so that you can spend some free time” doing what you want.


Make the most out of your free time…


Has anyone ever used their free time by catching up on housework? I get it – but if you know you’ve got a day off from work, or your kids are going to be out of the house for a few hours, ensure that you’ve made solid plans to enjoy yourself. If your idea of relaxation is to enjoy some blissful time immersing yourself in a warm bath, then do it! The laundry can wait.


Making time for you isn't imppossible – remember that in order to care for others, you must care for yourself.


When was the last time you made time for YOU? What did you do?


Ditching the Working Mom Summer Guilt

Posted by Angela Caban on June 28, 2018 at 2:40 PM Comments comments (0)



Summer break is here and while many of the moms I know are planning out their summer activities of places to go, things to see, days lounging by the pool and spending quality time with their children – for me, these next 11 weeks will look the same as all other weeks of the year.


I am still up by 5:30 am, my morning routine will not change and I will be rushing to get my kids out of bed, fed and off to summer camp so that I can rush back home and get back to work.


My kids LOVE summer camp and by the time they get home, they are done. A typical afternoon involves, television, slime, coloring books, video games, and tablets because after a full day of playing and activities they want to come home, cool off and unwind. I am fine with that.


However, summer camp only runs until 2 pm, so I will then proceed to have guilt for the rest of the time I work from 2-5 pm. Why do I have guilt? The guilt comes because while my kids do very well playing alone, I run upstairs for my third cup of tea and see my kids glued to video games or tablets. I won’t sit there and argue about the time they spend on video games because I need to work, but I will put pressure on myself to make it a great summer for them – even if our fun doesn’t start until after 5 pm.


I have guilt because I think to myself, “are my kids having an awesome summer?” I then think that perhaps I am not doing enough. But how can I? There are only so many hours in a day and I have to work. Deep down, I feel as if the summer days don’t feel any different for my kids, and I feel awful about that. So that’s when more guilt kicks into high-gear.


When the summer weeks look just like the school year, it’s easy for me to feel guilty…

Read more here.

6 Truths Kids Learn When You Work from Home

Posted by Angela Caban on April 27, 2017 at 2:25 PM Comments comments (0)



As I am typing this both of my kids are home. I can hear them yelling at each other right above me just one floor away. I wonder if I can write one more paragraph before I have to step away and play referee.


Hold that thought, be right back…

This is the life of a work-from-home mom. This lifestyle isn’t always about convenience or freedom, there is a lot of hard work involved, not to mention some of the craziest over the top work environment scenarios not seen in the average office.


While we are still in the school year, I take advantage of their schedule and do the bulk of my work during that time. Today, however, is a bit different. Conference calls, meetings and deadlines looming, everything is piled on top and the work must get done. Any mom out there who works and parents at the same time knows that many times, no amount of planning or scheduling is enough. And while the kids may be older and understand that mommy is working, do they really get it? What do they think I am doing locked in this office for hours on end?


Today is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day and this leaves a very interesting question on the minds of those who work from home. What would happen if work from home moms really did bring their kids to work with them?


Read More Here.

Work-from-Home Introvert: Reclaiming My Identity

Posted by Angela Caban on October 5, 2016 at 11:00 AM Comments comments (0)

This post was originally published for Military One Click.




I could tell that my hand gestures were making her feel nervous.


 

I was always one who could easily make a joke to lighten the moment. Not this time. Not even my good manners could save me from my rambling conversation. My sentences weren’t making sense, I was incoherently speaking, and I started feeling like Dr. Jekyll transforming into Mrs. Hyde.


 

I apologized to the school mom for my rambling and blamed it on the fact that I work from home, and that the only in-person conversation I have during the day is with my four-year-old daughter about how Doc McStuffins is now a big sister.


 

Luckily for me, she understood as she also worked from home and knew how rough it could be to have adult conversation face-to-face after spending your days behind a computer screen.


 

What happens when working from home makes you an introvert? How do you reclaim your identity?


 

I was unnerved: what was happening to me? I am a smart individual. How could I not handle a simple conversation without immediately starting to sweat and throwing my hands like a wild animal? I was becoming a feral animal, not domesticated to live outside my small office space.


 

I have always been an extrovert, never dealt with social anxiety and as a child, and loved talking and making others laugh.


 

How was I losing my lifelong cultivated social skills?


My work-from-home career began in 2009 as my husband was returning from a 15-month deployment. My out-of-home job at the time was a one-hour commute each way, and by the time I got home in the evenings, I was beat. I thought working from home would be a great fit since I was going back to school, this way I could work and spend time with my 3-year-old-son.


 

It was the perfect solution.


 

Fast-forward to 2016…


…six years, 2 deployments, countless separations, 2 degrees, various business trips yearly, and an addition to our family: my beautiful daughter.


 

I didn’t start to see that I wasn’t the same until about this time last year. I was asked to speak at an event, one that I have done previously in the past. As I stood there ready to present, I froze. I stared at the audience wondering, Why am I here? I drove home that night thinking it was just my nerves from not getting enough sleep the night before. I would be good the next time around.


 

Wrong.


As I sat in the coffee shop, apologizing for being such a spaz, I knew I was lost. I, Angela Caban, was indeed an introvert. I said it to myself, my husband, and my best friend. It was my reality and now I had to work on getting myself back.


 

My kryptonite…


The solitude of my office, despite the interaction weekly via conference calls and productivity of my work, was eroding my social skills. As I sit in my office daily, I am forgetting was it is like to have an actual conversation that goes beyond my keyboard.


 

It also doesn’t help that my poor husband, who also comes home drained, is my only outlet to real-life adult conversation. I am lucky to have many friends, but most live out of state. How could I reclaim my social identity if differences in time zones and social media were all that surrounded me?


 

It’s not surprising that I was making that poor school mom feel uncomfortable. I think feeling like you have to make small talk is one of the worst things with someone who has social anxiety.


 

What happens when working from home makes you an introvert? How do you reclaim your identity?


Reclaiming my social identity…


With everything I do in my life, business or personal, I have a game plan and a list. I was determined to turn myself back into the person I once was and stay that way. I knew it was going to take some work, since it is hard to stop working when deadlines are piling up. Isn’t the reason I started working from home so that I could have a flexible schedule?


 

I made the parents at school my water-cooler moment


What I have learned is that unlike others who work outside the home, I don’t have the “water cooler” moments anymore. I stopped making excuses and took small steps each day to connect with other human beings. No more forced small talk– a simple hello and how-is-everything-going before being on my merry way. I was a bit awkward at first, but once I explained what I was doing and why, other parents at the school drop-off were interested to see how my “socializing project” was going. They really called it that.


 

Because I work from home, I don’t have water cooler moments anymore…


I found extracurricular activities


I became the friend who was in charge of planning everything. From concerts to coffee shop dates to Zumba… yes, it’s exhausting, but the socializing is totally worth it. I had a least one social gathering a week on my calendar. The difference it made? I felt like more than just someone who lives and works at home. On the weekends, I am out and when I am home, the office door is shut.What happens when working from home makes you an introvert? How do you reclaim your identity?


 

I didn’t discount my online friends


I didn’t need to ignore my online community of friends. I still pick up the phone daily and talk to my best friend who is 500 miles away. Even if it is just a quick chat online, this part of my life is still important to me and for my work.


 

I plan a minimum of 2 business trips a year


My goal is to not only socialize but to network in-person about my business matters as well. My trips are focused on either my job or professional development. I miss the office spirit at times, but am also happy to come home and know I have the flexibility to work.


 

So, am I an extrovert again? I am not back to my normal self, I may not ever be unless I start working outside the home, but I will say that I am happier now and realizing that I am not the only socially awkward work-from-home person out there.


Defeated By Spring Break

Posted by Angela Caban on March 28, 2016 at 9:35 PM Comments comments (1)

 

INSERT STOCK PHOTO OF STRESSED WORKING MOM HERE.

(p.s. all the work from home stock pictures looked happier than what I feel today.)


How defeated do I feel? As I sit in my writing nook typing this, it is the end of spring break day 2. I am worn out, with absolutely no desire of even typing this. I figured that tomorrow this day will just fizz out and either get worse as the week goes on, or get better. That is however based on just how clever I am at convincing my kids that if they let me work without interrupting me, they will get a surprise. A surprise I have yet to invent.


 

My 10 year old is quite sufficient. He can keep himself occupied for the amount of time I need to work. The 4 year old girl, yeah, not so much. She is at a current stage where she wants to do everything her brother does. So you can only imagine what that means. A lot of arguing, whining and unpleasant moments for us all.




 

God, please help me.


 

I never said I was a master of working from home, I do have some techniques under my belt that I find helpful. But I am at a point where I know that spring break is just a small glimpse into what awaits me during the summer. So this has sent me into a panic. I am now researching summer camps and programs that could keep them both busy during the day, enjoying the summer without me and my work in the way. The summer break was meant to enjoy outside, and although my schedule can be quite flexible, I can't possible take 3 hours off every day to take them to the park and burn off some steam.


 

So for now, I will take this spring break as a learning experience. It is my warning that summer is right around the corner, and I must plan wisely.


 

More to come soon…


Work from Home Chronicles: The Balancing Act

Posted by Angela Caban on April 23, 2015 at 1:00 PM Comments comments (1)

Did you know that 80 percent of workers feel stressed during the workday? Where does this leave us that work from home? Here’s the thing, we aren’t exempt. If anything, I would say the stress level goes up just a tad higher then working out of the home. Why? At least for me, because I work for myself and have various clients and projects – I can never leave my work at the office. My office is in my home, and sometimes my bed, kitchen, laundry room and car. Yes car! Because deadlines don’t care that your kid has karate, and you have to work at any possible moment that you get, even if it means writing in the parking lot of your sons dojo.



 

A few years ago if I would have taken a glimpse into what my work life has become, I probably would have stayed in Corporate America. I didn’t have the balance back then, I didn’t need it. Now the balancing act goes a little bit like this… Be realistic, flexible, use your time wisely and give it a rest. I am realistic that everything I have planned for the day will most likely not happen with a 3 year old. I am flexible with my time, family comes first – but they also need to respect the working hours. When given the time to work, I use it wisely and don’t let anything distract me. I know when to stop and give it a rest, unless there is a deadline looming, I unplug and know how to balance the time between family and work. This last one took some time to get the hang of, and it has been the most important one of all. If I didn’t balance my time, I probably would have called it quits 5 years ago.

 

I didn’t start working from home because I wanted to start a successful consulting business and make millions, I wanted to be here. Living and working at home, the purpose is for me to live. To embrace, notice and enjoy the everyday moments.

 

This is my reality, my everyday work-from-home moments…



 

Encouragement is All Around You

Posted by Angela Caban on March 13, 2015 at 10:10 AM Comments comments (1)

Why do we tend to get sucked into the drama and negative things in life? I am certain everyone has made the comment, "Why does the drama always follow me?" Well, this is most likely because you allow it to.


I tend to stand back, and instead of participate in encouraging the negative, I spin it around and try to make whatever mess they're in, positive. I know many times when I do, people think I don't care or don't want to listen. That simply isn't the case. If you're like me, you already have so much on your plate, a family that comes first, the petty little things in life just don't matter. I take a step back and think, "is this something that is really worth the stress?" And it is okay to tell people that, we can still care about them. I don't push back completely, I encourage them to step back as well. This isn't about abandoning your friends and family, it is about offering them something much better, positive encouragement.


Encouragement is positive motivation intended to promote advancement. So if anything, encourage others and try to give them a glimpse into a life of less negativity. Those resentments they hold or any type of negative thoughts or actions should not be affecting you every day. If it is, then you need to step back. It does not make you less of a friend or caring person.


Move towards encouraging people, thoughts and actions. Encouragement is all around you, you just need to be open enough to embrace it and share with others.





A Year of Thanksgiving

Posted by Angela Caban on November 24, 2014 at 11:10 AM Comments comments (0)

This Thursday is Thanksgiving Day. No matter how you spend this day, this is normally a time in which we all reflect, count our blessings and give thanks.

Did you ever realize that this month is filled with Facebook statuses in which why one is thankful this month. Does this go beyond one month a year?

I am guilty of this as well. I will count my blessings and remind myself of why I should be thankful – but life gets in the way. EVERYTIME!

Imagine how much happier and grateful one would be every day we stopped once a day or even just once a week to give thanks for what we have or who we have in our lives...

But I want to go deeper, I don’t want to count my blessings and thank God only for the good –I want to be able to grow as an individual and thank him for those “disguised” blessings that may come in the form of struggle or heartache. He deserves that.

I am challenging myself to a year of Thanksgiving...

So I sat here over the weekend thinking about how I would start this. I have seen some great ideas on Pinterest, but have only come across the idea of giving thanks for the good.

So here’s what I came up with…

I decided to make 2 jars, the first jar labeled “Blessings” will be for the one thing during the week that was wonderful to us. Anything good that has happened will go into this jar. The second jar will be labeled “Blessings in Disguise” in which we will write down one not so good thing that may have happened. So the overall purpose of this will be to read them at the end of the year and give thanks for the good, but also to reflect, learn and grow from the not so good moments. I also like the idea of reading back to those “not so good” moments so that we can discuss how we overcame the obstacle.

A good lesson for life, I think.

I am excited to get this started and start showing my children that life is not all about the happy moments, but that life is about who and how we pull through it. Giving God the glory and ultimate thanks.




 

Grief Healing

Posted by Angela Caban on October 6, 2014 at 11:15 AM Comments comments (4)

Death is inevitable. Yet why is it that the loss of someone you love always showers us with a range of emotions? We may desperately try to avoid the pain with these emotions clouding over us. Clinging to what comforts us the most, feeling like we have no other choice but to accept that this is life and that we are grateful for the opportunity God has given to have loved in such a large capacity. Other days we have anxiety and feelings of helplessness hanging over us, feeling angry and not wanting to remember those good times you once had. They bring pain, a pain so great that you literally lose your breath. Your stomach is in pain and you wonder to yourself, “What are they feeling? Where are they and do they feel the same emptiness I do?” – you simply can’t imagine living without them, they have been a part of you since day one.


Despite the range of emotions we feel, grieving for a loved one helps us cope and heal. The intense, heart-breaking anguish that we feel indicates that a deep connection has been severed. Possibly one of the most painful emotions we will ever experience, yet necessary.


In September of 2013 I lost my maternal grandmother. A very short five months later, I lost my paternal grandfather. This left me feeling as if I no longer had any structure in my life. How did losing two of the most important people of my life mean I had any sense of anything? I had also never experienced any loss prior to this. When I was 6, my mother lost her father, my grandfather. Not that I don’t count this loss, I remember him very much, however I did not process this loss in the way I recently had to. I had 30 years of my grandmother and grandfather, not one moment of my life did I live without them there, not one moment. Imagine my surprise when I realized that being an adult means losing so much and just having to deal with it, that it is a part of getting older.


I write this with a knot in my throat and an ache in my heart. I most likely will always have that feeling of emptiness. I will look at my children and continue to tell them the stories of my wonderful life, how united my family always was and remind them how much they were loved.


You feel guilty for moving on, but my children require that of me. Going forward doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved ones that have died. Enjoying life again doesn’t imply that the person is no longer missed. Piecing together your shattered emotions doesn’t mean you your loved one. It simply means that your grief has run its course.


Has my grief run its course? Not yet. With continued prayer and guidance, I know my heart will heal.



 


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