Redefining The Working Mom

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Grief Healing

Posted by Angela Caban on October 6, 2014 at 11:15 AM

Death is inevitable. Yet why is it that the loss of someone you love always showers us with a range of emotions? We may desperately try to avoid the pain with these emotions clouding over us. Clinging to what comforts us the most, feeling like we have no other choice but to accept that this is life and that we are grateful for the opportunity God has given to have loved in such a large capacity. Other days we have anxiety and feelings of helplessness hanging over us, feeling angry and not wanting to remember those good times you once had. They bring pain, a pain so great that you literally lose your breath. Your stomach is in pain and you wonder to yourself, “What are they feeling? Where are they and do they feel the same emptiness I do?” – you simply can’t imagine living without them, they have been a part of you since day one.

Despite the range of emotions we feel, grieving for a loved one helps us cope and heal. The intense, heart-breaking anguish that we feel indicates that a deep connection has been severed. Possibly one of the most painful emotions we will ever experience, yet necessary.

In September of 2013 I lost my maternal grandmother. A very short five months later, I lost my paternal grandfather. This left me feeling as if I no longer had any structure in my life. How did losing two of the most important people of my life mean I had any sense of anything? I had also never experienced any loss prior to this. When I was 6, my mother lost her father, my grandfather. Not that I don’t count this loss, I remember him very much, however I did not process this loss in the way I recently had to. I had 30 years of my grandmother and grandfather, not one moment of my life did I live without them there, not one moment. Imagine my surprise when I realized that being an adult means losing so much and just having to deal with it, that it is a part of getting older.

I write this with a knot in my throat and an ache in my heart. I most likely will always have that feeling of emptiness. I will look at my children and continue to tell them the stories of my wonderful life, how united my family always was and remind them how much they were loved.

You feel guilty for moving on, but my children require that of me. Going forward doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved ones that have died. Enjoying life again doesn’t imply that the person is no longer missed. Piecing together your shattered emotions doesn’t mean you your loved one. It simply means that your grief has run its course.

Has my grief run its course? Not yet. With continued prayer and guidance, I know my heart will heal.


Categories: Working Mama Life, Faith

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Reply Rusty
1:21 PM on October 6, 2014 
The thing about grief is that the feelings will always be as intense. What changes is the frequency with which they arise. The time gap between them simply increases over time.
Reply Angela Caban
1:42 PM on October 6, 2014 
Thank you, Rusty. I have sensed a difference in the frequency and it happens now with a larger gap in between. They are always on my mind; I just don't feel as pained. I am still sad at times; I have a better sense of composure. The hysteria that was once taking over my days and nights are starting to disappear.
Reply Emily
2:55 PM on October 6, 2014 
My pain gets worse and worse with each passing day...I know now that it's not a nightmare I'm going to wake up from, I am no longer anyone's little girl. Imagine that! I thank God for my beautiful family but no one could ever replace a parent including my father in law who I also loved as such, I know not too many people around me may see it that way but I had been part of him since I was 14 years many memories, so many tales to heart is broken and I will never be the same person I used to be but my mother left me the greatest treasure, she left me stronger than I have been in years with the will to live, I had lost that for many years! My gift to her is to continue her legacy, live and enjoy the little things...I may not be able to call my mom like I used to asking her for advice but she gave me enough information throughout the years to know what her response would be. The emotions I feel are constant and confusing but I'm dealing with them the way my parents taught me, you don't run from storms, you face them face on and strong and with a smile if possible...that's life. All I have to say to those who are lucky enough to have their parents alive ....make time for them, love them, be patient and honor them now....tomorrow may be too late. Peace be/em
Reply Angela Caban
3:09 PM on October 6, 2014 
I can imagine that, which is why it is hard to comprehend the feelings of how we deal with what is coming. There is no running from death. God reminds us many times that our time here on earth is not our true home. Our home is with Him in Heaven, such a peaceful thought to know that when we die we will face our one and only true eternal life. You must find peace and find the true definite reason to be happy in life. The legacy others leave in your life do just that.